Lifeless
by Cr1ms0nRo5es
Summary: “There’s a time for everything—a time to be born and a time to die, a time to kill and a time to heal. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. . .”


**Lifeless**

**Summary: **"There's a time for everything—a time to be born and a time to die, a time to kill and a time to heal. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. . ."

—**Ecclesiastes 3**

Following the death of her sister and having to carry the burden of her recently departed parents, Billie tries to follow in the Charmed One's footsteps and attempts to slip back into her normal life. But, with the recent struggles now constantly plaguing her mind, will she be able to take back what was once hers?

**Disclaimer: **The idea of this plot came from an episode I saw of _Star Trek: Voyager's_ called _Extreme Risk_ as it will be made clearer in the future chapters. I must give credit to where the ideas stem from. Also, no part of _Charmed_ or that episode of _Voyager_ belongs to me. They belong to Brad Kern, Constance M. Burge, Aaron Spelling, E. Duke Vincent, Warner Brothers, Brannon Braga, Jeri Taylor, Kenneth Biller, Paramount, etc. This chapter also contains part of the episode _Forever Charmed_ of which I also do not own.

**CH. 1**

To say that Billie was surprised would have been a complete understatement. "Surprise" just wasn't the word that would have fit to describe how she was feeling at that exact moment. No. She was utterly _shocked_, and her mind wouldn't even attempt to stop her from feeling that.

But more than anything, she felt the pain.

It wasn't any physical pain nor was it mental, but, in a way, she supposed it was. It was emotional: the emotional response to her actions that could have been undone short of a miracle occurring or even magic interfering in some way.

When the realization had dawned on her—of what she did, of what she might have become—the only thing she was feeling at that time was the grief. It was so overwhelming and so easy to succumb to. And she didn't like giving in because her pride had always taught her to never be weak.

This was the only exception. Her walls were collapsing, and the tears were racing to reach the surface. Pretty soon, not even her knees knew how to function properly. They felt like jelly, and as a consequence, she looked as if she had literally collapsed to the ground. The situation had taken its due course. Eventually, she couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Christy was gone. Her killer—the good witch, the sibling, the one who was her apparent rescue, the one that Billie thought would have never gone against her—was, in fact, Billie herself. And she knew it. The chastisement was unrelenting. _"It was my fault. It was my fault!"_ she thought and kept telling herself. Was there any other possibility? Sure; there were a few stray thoughts that had tried convincing her that maybe she didn't have to punish herself and that maybe she did what needed to be done, in self-defense no less. But, just as quickly as those thoughts had come, it was the other more prevalent thoughts—the thoughts of _"She died because of me; I killed her,"_—that was dominating the battle being waged within her head.

For minutes that felt like hours to her, Billie kneeled there staring at the ground's scorch marks that marked the remains of her sister's body, mentally willing for it to magically form back into the person that she had killed so shortly before. Her response: the awkward quietness of a dark and black room only being lit from the outside and a few sobs that had escaped her every so often.

When a hand to her shoulder was the only thing that had snapped her out of it, even then, she could have cared less to whom it had belonged to. She felt that it was inappropriate. Couldn't they see that she was mourning so deeply? To her, the disturbance was rude.

"Billie," began Piper, "I—"

"Don't say it!" Billie heard herself cry. She absolutely refused to even look at Piper, and with a jolt, that was when Billie found herself standing up shaking herself free of Piper's supposed comforting hand. "I don't need your pity! I just…" Taking a few seconds to breathe, Billie tried calming herself down. "I just need to be alone, okay? I can…" _Handle it_, she wanted to finish, but, of course, she knew that _that_ would have been an outright lie. And, just as she thought she had a handle on her emotions, the depression and the heartache came back for a second round. She soon felt her eyes begin to well up.

"We know, sweetie," she heard Phoebe say, "But, we just thought we could help."

"_Help? And just how would you be able to help? Give me special words of encouragement?"_ she thought. She wanted to chastise herself for thinking that, she honestly did, but, right then, her emotions were the ones that were dictating her every thought and action and even verbalizing some of the things that were being said. So, her solution was to not comment at all, choosing instead to take her own temporary vow of silence.

After several minutes had gone by, Piper's voice had broken the silence that had completely engulfed the room. "Paige, let's go," she had said in a low enough tone.

"Uh, Billie, would you be…okay by yourself? I mean, could you get back on your own?" asked Paige awkwardly.

Slowly and cautiously, Billie turned to face them, however, not so directly as she continued to keep her gaze on the floor. With a slight nod of her head, the answer to Paige's question was made known, and Billie immediately knew that she would soon have her privacy, although, now she wasn't quite sure she had wanted it as much as before.

Yet, before they had a chance to disappear and go back to the lives that they had fought so dearly for, she had wanted to let them know just how grateful she was to them. "Thank you," Billie heard herself say, her voice still containing a bit of the sadness that was hardly making itself seemingly obscure.

That was all she had told them by the time they were ready to leave. She didn't even watch as they made their departure through the use of Coop's ring for the reason that she had turned her back to them staring off into the distance yet again with only the greeting of a deafening silence and the emptiness of a dim and shadowy room for her comfort.

* * *

Piper had already thought it very unusual the first time Chris came back from the "future," which she assumed had changed seeing as the good Wyatt was present along with him, but now, witnessing such a gathering of people, who she all knew and loved standing right in front of her, looking as though "worry" was etched right along their foreheads, she almost found the situation and everything she had gone through to get to where they were to be a little hilarious.

But, now that she was back, she herself was anxious to see if everything that they did go through had done no damage. "Is everything all right? Did anything change that wasn't supposed to?"

"Nope," she heard the older future version of Wyatt say while he began to disappear and reappear right next to her in a cloud of light blue orbs. "I got my powers back." Naturally, Piper caught his contagious smile and grinned back at him.

"I can see that!"

Chris, looking mildly curious at who stood before him, walked up to next to Grams, who was also wearing a grin. "Now, where's Billie?" he asked in observation.

"She used her own power to get back," chimed in Paige taking the time to answer Chris' question.

"_Well, hopefully,"_ thought Piper who was observing the exchanging of conversation between nephew and aunt. She had hoped at least that Billie would have been okay, but, then again, that was why they had left in the first place: to give her some space.

"But, she at least tried to help out, right?" began her now revealed future brother-in-law. Coop still remained a mystery to Piper, but, in the end, he seemed really genuine with the way he had helped before, and she was sincerely thankful that he did. "I mean: tried to make amends at least?"

"Yeah," Phoebe answered herself.

Piper had completely ignored everything else when, all of a sudden, this bright little ball of clear luminosity had appeared and came floating downwards heading for the center of the room in between the two groups who were all equally surprised at what they saw. And, to Piper's excitement, the floating orb had then taken on the form of Leo with a pleased-looking Angel standing right next to him. Inwardly, Piper had wanted to run up to Leo badly at that moment, but something was holding her back: _doubt_. Before long, her smile towards her husband had quickly turned into an expression of skepticism. "Okay, hang on a second," she started. "You're not going to take him away again, right?"

The Angel of Destiny turned to face her. "No, this is the way the battle was supposed to end all along." So, she looked up to Leo and then back to Piper. "And, it's over. Congratulations." She smiled and afterwards had disappeared in the wake of a clap of thunder and a small shower of white lights.

Piper couldn't help but stare at Leo with the biggest grin she could hold on her face. It was finally over. The Ultimate Battle was now nothing but a past event. Piper had finally gotten Leo back, her son was no longer in danger of losing his powers, and everything had seemed to work out in the end as it should have. Certainly, it didn't mean that demons were forever banished from their lives as a winning trophy, but, she was just glad to know that everyone she cared about was all right.

"Hi, there," she said as Leo took her hand and pulled her in for an overdue kiss and a warm embrace.

Certainly, all it would take to get back to their lives was a step in the right direction.

* * *

In the company of no one but herself, Billie's thoughts were all the more raging inside. She wanted to get rid of them, to not feel any more of the sorrow that she had felt even from before her sister's untimely death; back to when her parents were killed. Had she mourned enough for them, she supposed her feelings towards that particular incident would have not been so strong as she now took the time to think about it.

It was funny, Billie had thought. She had always wondered why Christy hadn't shed even the slightest of tears and carried the distress that had burdened Billie so much. It could have easily been explained with the reason that it was because she hadn't even known their parents for that long in her life, or maybe even because she was her big sister, and she wanted to be strong for the both of them. But, now, of course, what was revealed was that it wasn't either, and Billie had her answer. Christy was lost a long time ago, and there was no way she would have been able to bring her back.

Was Billie a fool? She thought she might have been, but, then again, who was the one that was still breathing at the end of today's battle? Herself.

_Herself_. She could have used that answer with so many of the questions that she had purposely oppressed upon herself. _Who had killed Christy? Who was the cause of all this mess? Who nearly caused the death of the Charmed Ones? Why did her parents die? _Because of herself.

Walking through the school in the library where she had found herself to be, Billie's mind was just not letting up. It was hard enough that she had to deal with the pain that had been devastating her mind right from the get go, but, to have to cope with the guilt was an entirely different thing. It was hard and difficult to have to be placed in such a position, but apparently, fate would have it no other way.

Fatigued by it all, she really didn't have the strength to return back to wherever she called home. The manor and her dorm room were evidence of the life she used to live, of the one where her worries used to be about finding her sister or finishing a term paper that was due the next day or even vanquishing a few demons. She didn't really know where to go, or where to stay for that matter. All she wanted to do was fall into a forgetful slumber where her dreams were an escape from the harsh truth of her reality. Of course, she had already known that by staying there at the school that she had deemed "demon central," she really wouldn't be making one of the brightest decisions. But, an empty couch near one of the bookcases was convincing her otherwise. The apathy ran deep.

Billie sat down and managed to wipe away some of the wandering tears that had broken free. And while she laid her head down on one of the nearby cushions, she allowed the exhaustion to overwhelm her in closing her eyes, and she had hoped that the next day, when she did wake up, she would blissfully realize that she had only been having a nightmare.

**A/N: **Yes, I'm attempting to write in third-person subjective, and this is my first time using that with any story. Thank you for reading and please review. Criticism (good or bad) is greatly needed for my improvement.


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